Wafanyakazi wa EATV waungana na mamilioni wengine ulimwenguni kupinga ubaguzi wa rangi.

DAN ALVES, ROSA PARKS mule mule...

WOMEN, A MARRIED MAN IS NO ADVENTURE

In my short lived life, especially now when am in a transitory stage to real adult hood like I call it, I have met this one problem over and over again.

For many it might not be a problem really because most women tend to feel it is the most secure way of being happy with a man especially in this era and age when economic matters have really come in the way of relationships. When you meet certain middle aged ladies, they will always one in every three on my part come with the same story.

The stories always begin the same way: "There's this guy... he's soo great! We connect in every way and he makes my heart flutter like a schoolgirl. I know, I know... he's married. But we've only gone on a couple of innocent dates..." Then, the guy makes his move.

It is usually as simple as that. We all know very well where this is heading to, but all we can thnk of is that for now, this guy makes me happy. He is a sweet innocent man. And from the look of things including his deeds, this guy really seems innocent.

From the beginning, he just tells you what a great friend you are and he tells you how nice it is to finally have someone he can talk to. You eat it up, thinking to yourself, Yes, talking. That's all we're doing. But then he finally does what he's wanted to do for a long while he makes his move.

Would you dare Brag about this even if you don't really care about your sweet self?...

Because you have been feeding on all the cooked lies and games he has been giving you, Now you think, after all he is just a good friend. I can do this with him.

Of course, he springs it upon you ever so slyly, making you feel really special, making you feel unique. He'll say things like, "Wow, my wife just doesn't listen to me like you listen to me," or, "She just doesn't understand me. And it's really nice to be with a woman that does."

He will tell you this over a glass of Wine, a bottle of beer or even next to his car seat.

You keep taking all the lies.

Sometimes this guy probably dated you sometimes back even before he got married, but now after marriage he comes back to you and swears that he regrets his move and wishes he had married you. Now he woos you into going even further with him And this is done in SECRET.

And sure, on the surface he looks like the A great Dad, Lover and Partner. He might go further to telling everybody that it's OK that his marriage isn't passionate, that he's grown so much as an individual that he doesn't need wild, fulfilling sex anymore. He would not even bring up the subject in the name of that not being his PRIME GOAL.

It is quiet obvious that, most of our African marriages had been planned. Sometimes Men are forced to marry women they never really liked in the beginning. They hope to love them eventually. Issues can happen. This woman is probably pregnant, she got sturbon and this husband is looking for a way out for escape. He'd rather have somebody that would be a great mother than someone with great passion because 'passion dies.' he knows this well that is why he probably chose to marry whoever he did. But now here comes you who is available for him and he likes it that way.

And it's sad, because he's convinced himself that he's in a relationship that he wants.

But he's not. He's sad, he's lonely, and he sees you as an opportunity for escape.

Sometimes you might not really know whether this guy is married or not. But trust me, in today's world, where Honesty has become the best policy even in crime, Married men tell it loud. They approach you with a wedding band on their fingers and shamelessly ask you out. You do not need a microscope to spot one.

So, how do you at least know his mission in the early beginning? Well, he's usually the guy you meet who immediately wants to be your "friend." Yet, these men aren't just friends with women. They're only friends with women they're attracted to. Because that's how it starts, with a mental affair. He'll frame your interaction as business, like, "Hey, let's have a business dinner," or "Hey, let's grab a drink after work." He'll talk to you, check you in ways that seem all so innocent. But let me tell you something: It's not. Because this so called "happily married man" is not happy.

He's going to flirt with you innocently. He's going to send you little texts to tell you that he read an article or saw something that reminded him of you, and it's all going to seem so friendly, almost like you met a good female friend.

But in reality, he's planting the seed for your future affair.

He'll even tell his wife about the great friendship the two of you have. He'll bring it out in the open, because he doesn't want to believe that he is actually going to cheat.

These kind of guys are there. I have met a lot of these guys. They talk such a good game, but in reality, they're living a compromised life. They wanted something from life but never truly believed that they could have everything. And now they find themselves "stuck" in a situation that's displeasing and less than what they know is possible. Sometimes they could be happy where they are, but just not satisfied probably due to their selfish ways of life.

Beware. Never, ever get influenced by their flattery. They're not going to leave their wives. They're looking for an affair, whether it is mental, emotional, physical or all three. Be aware of these warning signs.

Ask yourself what it is that you want, and why you're drawn to these men that you can't have. Maybe there is a tiny bit of loneliness and lack of fulfillment within you, and that is attracting men in similar situations, many of them married.

Look at the people who are coming into your life as signposts for what's going on inside of you. If you find yourself becoming excited by the overly-friendly man in the wedding ring consider that you may have some internal issues to work out.

And then run preferably in the direction of available men not hampered down by preexisting relationships.

I always share this with my girlfriends, I remember meeting some of them over dinner last weekend, we shared a lot plus, I had to tell them this one thing. If you feel you are attracting certain types of men, who are not really preferable or who you do not think are the type of men you would prefer, hold yout horses, sit back and think about your inner self. What is is with you that you end up attracting these kind of men over and over again?

It is high time you thought of what you want, analyze what it is you have that attract the wrong kind of guys that come your way and change it for the better.

It is high time you got to realize why you should not date a married.

He is married to some other guy for Christ's sake. The fact that he is cheating on his wife tells you how he can deal with situations. With you for instance or with somebody or something he does not like. Remember this will always make you a side dish. ALWAYS.

You are not getting any younger. Get a life and move on. Remember this can be a very painful experience. Every night, he has to go home to his wife and kids because he’s simple not yours.

Even if he does not now he will sometimes soon.

BEING FRIENDS WITH AN EX IS A NO NO

Most of us, over 90% of those who have been in Relationships, a;ways have this Ex Boyfriend or girlfriend clicking in their minds. It is those thoughts of may be the good time, the difficult times or how the breakup happens that makes the lady or the man unable to quickly delete the thoughts of this ex even if one is already in a new relationship.

This is one of those feelings that tend to make a person uncomfortable or even unhappy in a very long time. You wonder why you keep thinking about this person even when you probably don't really want to share your life with him or commit yourself to him.

Noela (not real name), a good friend of mine faces this traumatizing feelings all the time. This is after she broke up with a man she knew for a year some three years ago. Noela has been in and out a two relationships since then but she could not get that particular guy, lets call him Alfred out of her mind.

When Noela hears that Alfred has been dating some other Girl, she quickly starts finding out about this girl. She wonders what this girl has that she does not have. She initiates communication with After, but the truth is Alfred does not really seem to care. Even though sometimes he asks her out, when he is not in a good relationship or not in one at all.

One thing I bet Noela has not realized is that she has to reach a point of wanting to get over her ex. Like many women and girls who feel this is too painful. Yes it is, especially when may be this guy is the one who has called things off. He probably feels like you but he has come to realize that he just needs to go. It is true, that at first it will hurt so much that one won't feel able to even start to get over this person, and may even harbor a deep belief that the two will eventually get back together.

This internal hoping and avoidance may last for quite a while but eventually you will realize that you actually don't want to get back with this person. After realizing this, you can move easily onto the next steps.

It is important to cut off all communication with your ex. It seems to be a Harsh move. But it's the only thing that works. You probably feel like you're losing the best friend you ever had, the only person who truly understood you. It might hurt at first, but it will get better. You cannot be friends while you attempt to get over each other.

You ought not hook up at all with your ex. If you do, you'll start right back at square one, and all the work you did trying to get over him/her will be wasted. Remember that out of sight, out of mind works!

When the going gets tough, recall why the two of you broke up. Sometime sthuis might give you the urge to want to some back together, or make you feel that the reason the two of you broke up is a lme one and that you two need a chance together. But you need to remember what you hated about your ex, and what you could never agree on. In a time of heartbreak, you may tend to remember only what you loved about your ex, and keep playing over your happiest memories together. Yet, this is one-sided and fails to recognize all the niggling doubts, the irritation habits, the angry words and the letdowns that became a major force in splitting the two of you.

Don't belittle the hurtful things by denying them––they are as much a part of what formed your relationship as all those good times.

If your ex cheated on you, stop justifying it, and realize you can find someone who loves you and who won't be unfaithful. Use the experience to learn how to spot unfaithful types and avoid hooking up with them in future.

You need to know very well that, because this relationship is over, it doesn't mean that you'll never find love again. You can ask your friends, your parents ( in Bongo this might be a little difficult may be at a very later stage when your parents feel your are well grown). If you know what I mean, how they got over their first loves. Many people will remember how hard it was to get over them but will also admit that they found greater loves in their lifetime. And this is true. A cousin of mine sometimes looks back and cries because she wonders how she could have mad eit with that other guy who now she feels is completely not her type of person.

Now your concentration ought to come back to yourself. Take care of yourself. You may find it hard to sleep, or get back to sleep when you wake in the middle of the night. When it is dark, and everyone else around you is sound asleep, this can feel like the loneliest time ever. During the day, take lots of exercise and go for daily long, long walks to make sure you're exhausted when you go to bed. These will help you sleep better/get off to sleep. You'll also benefit physically from the extra activity, and exercise is great for depression, especially as it is a good time for working out some of those harder thoughts swirling around your mind.

You need friends and close acquaintances now more than ever. Don't try to get through this alone. Your friends are very important. They will help you survive by listening to you and offering comfort, support and sometimes good advice. If you forgot about them while you were with your boy/girlfriend, ask them to forgive you. If they really are true friends, they'll forgive you and want to help you get over it.

Talk to and see your friends and family more often. It's good to listen to others and what they have to say, but if you can talk more, you'll find yourself truly getting your mind off of him/her for the time being. If you make your world bigger, then s/he will become less important.

Avoid asking for the whereabouts of your friends. This will lessen your thoughts about him faster.

One needs to be open and honest about how you're feeling. Don't pretend, for yourself or others, that you're okay if you're not. Also realize that you are allowed to be okay. You do not have to feel sad all the time, or even at all. Different people react differently to breakups, and you're entitled to feel emotionless as much as overly emotional. Talk to people instead of just holding it in and being moody, down or anxious. Other people can support you if they actually know what is going on.

Remember that there are other people who care. Even if it doesn't always feel that way, there are. There are people around you who understand, and will help. I (Prudence) would too.

Let yourself cry if you want to. It's okay to cry. Even heavens cry...remember that song. Crying can help to release your emotions. Just let it all out. After this you will feel a lot better. Make sure you call your best friends and have happy conversations after.

Just like utilizing opportunities is important, you can use your breakup as an opportunity to become the person you have always wanted to be. Take on a daunting goal, such as learning a new language, instrument, or skill. There has never been a better time to set these goals in motion, and now you have a lot more time to do it.

Avoid sadness. Do not listen to the saddest love songs you can think of. Sad songs just make you think of what went wrong and it's hard to move on when all you think about are the lyrics of a sad song you relate to.

Remember the power of attraction, Attract yourself to what is good that and you will feel a lot better. Equally, avoid over-dosing on sad romantic movies that require boxes of tissues. You might identify with the actor's loss but after a time, this is wallowing, not helpful.

Do anything you can to make yourself feel desirable and confident again. Get a haircut or add new highlights. Go to the gym. Buy a new outfit. Dress up and dance in front of your mirror to club music. I love doing a whole lot of these things myself even when everything is fine.

Endure the pain and loneliness bravely. With time, the pain will heal. TIME HEALS. This two words are as powerful as anything you would think of. Are you a strong person who can get through this or a weak one who will wither from one failed relationship? Don't succumb to weakness. Retain your pride and hold your head up. There's nothing better than that.

Always remember that you're better off without him or her because someone who you thought loved you but leaves isn't worth your tears or pain. "Never cry for someone that will never cry for you."

With maturity, your capacity to love another human being grows. Be grateful for the experience of your first love. You need to come to a recognition that you have the power of choice in your life. You can choose to be held back by this loss or you can choose to learn from it and move on to a wiser, more compassionate person.

No relationship is ever a mistake if you can get something out of it, such as learning something new about yourself. You might learn that you are indeed a very stubborn person so this might be the opportunity to change yourself for the better and to become a more open-minded person. You might also learn that you are a very jealous lover, in which case you can take steps to becoming a less jealous boyfriend or girlfriend. You will heal with time, but it will not happen overnight.

To the Happiness You Deserve,

prudencegerald@yahoo.com

@prudencegerald1 twitter handle.

  

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